Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A figment of my imagination...

Time for some time-travel now. Lets go back to the future-say 16 years from now in the year 2025. Following is what I guess will dominate the headlines. This is just an extrapolation of the current state of affairs in the world in general and India in particular.
And yes, you’ll do well not to take it too seriously…

1.India submits yet another dossier on the 26/11 attacks to Pakistan; President Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari says proof still not conclusive. 

Pakistan today categorically dismissed India’s 100th dossier on the Mumbai terror attacks of 2008. In a press conference president Bilawal Bhutto- Zardari unequivocally reiterated the historical stand Pakistan has taken on all the dossiers and proofs provided by India so far, that it was still not good enough to say that the attacks were planned in Pakistan or by Pakistanis. He also accused India of trying to tarnish Pakistan’s clean image on the issue of terrorism.

2. Kasab trial drags on to a record 18th year;still no sign of a verdict.

Chief accused in the Mumbai terror attacks Ajmal Kasab continued his antics in the Mumbai high court and complained of the lack of high speed broadband connectivity at his Arthur road jail campus. He further went on to crib about various restrictions being imposed by the jail’s network support team which allegedly prevented him from downloading movies , songs  and viewing streaming videos. The judge then adjourned the proceedings for the day and directed the jail authorities to address Kasab’s issues under tremendous pressure from various human rights groups and intellectuals who have been accusing the government of inflicting torture on an under trial prisoner whose complicity is yet to be proven.

3. Narendra Modi praises Benazir Bhutto in his book, faces expulsion from BJP on grounds of going against the ideology.

Former BJP president Narendra Modi  invited the party’s ire after the his latest book on India-Pakistan relations hit the stands yesterday. In the book Modi  has apparently praised Benazir Bhutto as one of the most attractive women he had ever seen and has also admitted to having had  a crush on the slain Pakistan PM. The BJP ’s disciplinary committee for literary affairs rushed into a meeting and immediately came out with a suspension order on the former president on grounds of deviation from the party’s core beliefs. Modi  on the other hand displayed a devil-may-care attitude and went on to add that it was not as if he was attracted to Pakistani ladies only and that he has also harbored a deep infatuation for the yesteryear’s bombshell Mallika Sherawat.

4. China makes new claims over Madhya Pradesh,condemns PM’s visit to Bhopal.

In keeping with its outrageous tradition of making ridiculous claims on areas that are integral parts of India,China today raised the bar a few notches higher by crying foul over today’s Prime Minister’s election rally  in Bhopal. The Chinese foreign ministry spokesman read out a strongly worded communique issued by the government which condemned the visit saying such actions in disputed territories would seriously undermine peace in south Asia. On the other hand, the Indian foreign affairs ministry  officials dismissed the claims as baseless and went as far as suggesting that they had better things to respond to.

5. Mayawati defies critics;announces plans  for more statues

Within weeks of being voted to power in UP after a landslide victory in the recently concluded assembly elections, CM Mayawati announced plans of building more  statues of herself  in a press conference held at Lucknow. Justifying the expenses that would be incurred for the same, she said that it would help generate a lot of  employment for a large number of sculptors and give opportunities to  thousands of laborers.She further added that she was just fulfilling the wishes of the public who have been yearning for more and more statues of her. On the question of land and space for the construction of the statues, Mayawati replied that no additional land would be needed as her statues would be replacing street lights on the roads and then fitted with tube lights. One of the reporters present at the press conference couldn’t help saying “what an idea behen-ji!!”

6. Test and ODI cricket to be part of history lessons in school says HRD Minister Sourav Ganguly

Union Minister for human resources development and former Indian cricketing great Sourav Ganguly said that the government has finalized plans to introduce lessons on cricket in history textbooks for class 6 onwards in CBSE affiliated schools. Elaborating on this he said that the current generation of kids were being brought up on a diet of T20,T10 and the more recent High-Fives’ and it was important that in a cricket crazy country like ours the younger generation ought to know the roots and origins of the game-the antiquated 5 day and 1-day versions. He also appealed to college goers to stop circulating SMS  jokes that mocked at the  the older versions, which he felt deserved a lot of respect.

7. T20 legend Rohit Sharma goes hammer and tongs at new format,says High-Fives is killing the game.

In a scathing attack on the newest 5-over format of cricket,batting legend :D  :P  Rohit Sharma said that the latest version is out to kill T20 cricket,which according to him is sacrosanct. He also cautioned young and upcoming cricketers against getting carried away by what he called as ‘bikini’ cricket and said that the 20 over game was still the best and most challenging format of all the three,T10 and High-fives being the other two. Some veteran journalists present at the press conference however took this opportunity to remind him about how T20 had led to the extinction of the then-holy-and-sacrosanct ODIs and 5 day games.To this poser however, the former India player appeared defensive.

So with that,ends my news bulletin. :)
The more things change, the more they remain the same. This is the one liner that helped me spawn all these stories in  a futuristic light. However, these are just what the blog is titled- figments of my imagination.

p.s. I am an incorrigible optimist. So I hope and  know that none of the above will be true in 2025. May be the Mayawati one will,who knows! And of course the death of the longer versions of cricket. :)


Priyaa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Priyaa said...

Cool Post Buddy...
Nonetheless Hilarious :D

Vardhan said...

Quite a brilliant redicule...Nice post.

Ravi said...

@Priya: Thanks for visiting and commenting!
@Vardhan: Thanks buddy!! :)